Well , I am writing after 7 months. Does it mean that in these past 7 months I dint have anything worthwile to write about?? I wouldnt say so. Its just that half the times I couldnt put my thoughts in words(the most common ailment that works against blogging). And the rest half were maybe not worth or too private to be shared on web. Anyways, I am blogging today with a specific purpose in mind. Venting out !! I am a 22 yr old female, living with a family for whom acadmeic success is top priority, living in a city full of intellectuals, friends who are doing extremely well in their chosen field. And even when I am living with them, I am not a part of them. I dont understand the importance of topping the class, scoring the most, knowing the most, getting admissions in top ranked univs etc. I somehow don't care. And the fact that I dont care is frustrating for me. Because I so want to care about all these things.I am practical enough to understand why this rat race is dragging everyone in.Its finally about leading a good,healthy,happy contented life. But still, I lack the pereseverance.
I dont know why I am like this. Maybe I am plain lazy. Maybe I am an ambition less person, good for nothing types. Maybe the most I can come close to these people is by achieving few As and a B (never i mind that I just managed the A). Or maybe I am by nature a very satisfied person ( naah not really). Then what is wrong with me? Why cant I pull up my socks and plunge into the mass of rats that are racing against each other. Its not that I ve not given it a try ( infact tried mannnyy times) But there is no consistency in me.
People reading this blog would wonder that why is she even writing. Well I dont know. I am getting a sadistic pleasure in making you guys atleast read(not live, mind you) my life. :)
Well I ll let the cat out of the bag(not that u had even noticed the bag moving vigorously till now). Today, I took an aptitude test for TATA Motors. 60 students took the test. The questions were easy. But the test was difficult because the time limit for each section was atrociuos for people like me. I ve always been scared and bad at maths. So I was a bit apprehensive abt the test. But when I looked at the questions, I found them doable ! Yaahoo ! My mind actually did a summersault ! Because finally there was a test which I could solve. I started solving the sums. I enjoyed it so much because the answers i calculated were atleast in the options given ! (which is a rarity in my case).
I enjoyed the process so much that I actually forgot abt the time limit and kept hammering a sum till I got it right. This led to solving the sections incompletely ! And ofcourse this resulted into me not being shortlisted for the next level of testing i.e. GD( in which i would ve done good since i can talk and fight too...most would bear testimony to that). The first thought that came into my mind was Damn !! If only I had done them faster. I come home. Told my mother what happened. First reaction was you should have practiced for it beforehand. You should ve come home early yesterday to practice it. You are among the top 5 in your class,arent you. They why couldnt you clear this exam. The point that they selected only 4 out of 60 odd students skipped her. I mean whats the point of me coming 5th if for them only the first 4 matter?? !! But I left it at that. I came in my haven and started working on my applications abroad. But it was not to be dropped at that. Unknowingly, without any intention to do so, she made me feel awful. even though I defended myself by saying that selecting 4 out of 60 is atrocious, I think I understood her point.
I actually should have studied for the aptitude test since am no good at it.
Today, I have decided to do one thing. I will do 15 mins (yeah 15 only...finally am also human) of math practice everyday, come what may. Becasue I do want a good job. I want a nice house to live in and a nice car to drive. I want to earn as much as my husband would and be independent. I want to do many things in life, which would need money. So today I willingly become a part of this rat race. Because I know that I have what it takes to be successful. I am not boasting. I am just reassuring myself and reiterating my confidence level. One slap in the face is enough !!!
No comments:
Post a Comment